What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
