so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
