the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
