I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
