I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
