We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
