Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
