Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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