Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
