i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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