Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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