someone threw a dead crab at me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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