My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize