everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
