she was so not down for the gang bang
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize