Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
