I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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