Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
birth control should be required to get into college
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
