Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hippo gnu deer
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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