A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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