He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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