moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
