My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
