i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
