She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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