Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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