We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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