I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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