the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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