He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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