oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
