were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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