I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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