Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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