Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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