he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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