I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
