I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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