i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
