My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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