I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
