In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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