The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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