It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
