She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
