Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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