I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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