wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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