she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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