why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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