Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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