Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
