Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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