the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
