Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
