I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
