Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
