Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
