So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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