im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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