So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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