Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
