We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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