im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
