So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
