Kareoke will never be a sober sport
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was confusing and full of hummus
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
