This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize