Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
