dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its liver damage thursday
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
