im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
