Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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