I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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