Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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