I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
