Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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