can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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