Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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