respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
