when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
