it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize