I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
