You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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