did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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