I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize