Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
