i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
