I showed him my bush... on skype.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize