Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
