thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
