I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
