Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
