he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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