billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
