okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
