she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
