I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
