Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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