Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
