it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
