found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
