I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
