Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
