meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
